Working it out.

Today I went to the gym for 2 hours. I try and do 2 hours a day 5 days a week. It works out well that the Y has a child watch. The kids have fun for 2 hours and I get a break. Faith takes a Fit Kids class and has fun with that. I typically do the elliptical, Jacobs Ladder, the rower and free weights and some work with the stability ball. I take a class on Fridays called Cardio Funk, which I love. I have such a long journey ahead of me. I am just so scared that I am going to fail again. I just want this so badly. I just can't give up. There is just something inside of me telling me that I need to move forward and do this once and for all. I look at my kids and that helps give me the extra motivation as well. The main thing I am struggling with right now is the kids. I need to get some different foods in the house and really need to work on portion control. Tommorrow is my weekly meeting with Beth, which I am looking forward to. I am doing the Lifestyle and Weight Management program through the Y.

Fighting this fight

I am starting this blog so I have a place to get all that I am feeling out and as a daily outlet as to how I am doing as I once again continue this fight to a healthier life. I like many others, have started and stopped and yo-yo dieted all of my adult life. It has taken a toll on how I feel of myself. I want so badly to lose this weight, to get off of this horrible roller coaster and to just finally be healthy and enjoy my life with my kids, husband, friends and family. To not be scared to go to amusement parks because I may or may not fit in the seats. Food has been such a comfort for me stemming back from when I was a teenager and went through some really tough times. Now what I thought was bringing me comfort has turned into such an enemy. I eat when I am happy, sad, scared. I have been going to the gym and fighting so hard with that for the last several months. I am struggling to find something I enjoy and get into a routine. I am proud of myself for going to the gym as much as I have in the last few months. That is the most I have stuck with it. I think I just feel so alone in this journey. I just want this so badly and I feel that I am just never going to achieve a healthy thin body. That it is just not in the cards for me, that I am just not strong enough to do this. I am scared. I want to live a long life though. I want that more than anything, to watch my kids, that I fought so hard to have, to watch them grow up and become whatever they want to be. I want to be with my husband who has always stood by me. I be with my beautiful family and friends. So, that is what I must fight for. I will fight for it.